TAKING PERSONAL INVENTORY: PUSH THROUGH AS A WHOLE DAMN FIRE
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I remember when I first started blogging I would just write as if no-one was going to read it. Like a digital diary of sorts. This was before social media was so huge and the thought of sharing so much of your life well wasn’t something that was a second thought; because again who was going to read what I put out there! Well things are different now and as the cruel climate of social media grew it changed and so was the way I began to operate on social media.
The girl who was unafraid to share her inner most private thoughts was swallowed by the insecurities of being judged, being measured up against others, and a long history of weight issues. You have to think about it I started blogging back when blogspot and blogger was poppin. I had to be in my early twenties. I was still finding myself and dating guys who were mentally, verbally, and emotionally abusive which further fueled insecurities that I later carried with me into adulthood continuously picking the wrong men. With all that and the emergence of the new look at me life is perfect perception era of social media still uncomfortable in my skin and in unhealthy relationships. I was not about to put all my dirty laundry out there and look like a fool. By choosing to write about fashion and beauty it really excited me and brought back life into blogging again. I was also connecting with other bloggers who shared those similiar interests with me. So I rolled with it burying my head in work, smiling in photos even though there were parts of me screaming for help on the inside, but never sharing that part of me that I started my foundation of blogging on. Where was my confidence to just speak up and talk about what I was feeling or going through? It was underneath the fears of being judged.
At some point you have to realize its not everybody else it’s you because you are allowing this. I was allowing people to make me feel like I was not beautiful, I was unworthy, and that I was not enough. I had to tell myself, “Something is broken Sis, and only you can fix it”. I noticed the more I would read my bible, listen to spiritual messages daily, and praying more I was building a relationship with God and thus working on me. Was that the plan? I DON’T KNOW! I just knew something had to change. I had to stop blending in the background and let my light shine. I had to know that I am beautiful, I am worthy, and I was always enough because God said so.
Today I stand tall, yup every 5ft of me on a good day lol, accepting of the Queen I am and the confidence I built up walk away from situations and strongholds that are created by patterns of accepting bad behavior. No more standing in the black shadows but pushing through as a whole damn FIRE vowing never to let anyone else destroy my confidence and self-love!
Sidenote: Dress details here
xoxo – Summer Terry